just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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