every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
