just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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