His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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