dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
