I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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