i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well I just put wine in my tea
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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