Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
