Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
