my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
