Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
