Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
