Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
