my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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