Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
