I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
