new low.... made out with someone while peeing
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
