Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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