So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
