I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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