Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
