don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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