and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
