why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
