u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Farmville is her only friend.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
