I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
