Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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