if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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