I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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