there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
