My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
