I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You made out with two different species that night
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
