Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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