God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
