I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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