Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
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