How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
