You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
