dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
