i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
