She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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