so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
