he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My feet surprised me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
