the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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