Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
