I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
