She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
