hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
