While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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