Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
